Let's talk about mental health a little bit. These are all my experiences and my opinions, this is not medical advice, if you are in crisis please seek help.
My Mental Health Story
Since my early 20s my mental health story has been one of tragedy. I ignored my depression for years, saying I could manage alone and did not need any support from anyone. I ran away from my mental health for many years, put on a "happy face" and hid in the dissociation. That was a grave mistake. Sure part of it was gender dysphoria, but a lot of it was undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I was told throughout my life, just take my medication and all will be well. It wasn't.
It seemed no matter what I did I was on a downward spiral and stagnating like crazy, still running from my mental health. I got into a really abusive relationship this year and that sent me lower and lower, especially after the physical and sexual abuse. Eventually, I decided I was just going to kill myself at some point that month. I then decided to go to a crisis stabilization unit. I ended things with that abusive partner and have a very healthy relationship with my current partner. It was my current partner that indirectly made me realize I needed a lot of help.
I've been doing better since release, but I wouldn't say I'm healed. Doing Dialetical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) currently at the University of Florida. Making the decision to stop running from my mental health issues saved my life.
Whats the point of this story?
The point is, running from your emotions doesn't make them go away, it makes them worse. My therapist said imagine trying to hold a basketball underwater. The more you try to push the basketball down, the stronger it pushes to rise to the surface. The same is true for your emotions. The more you try to bury your emotions deeper and deeper, they will push harder and harder to rise to the surface, and much like a basketball violently rushing to the surface, your emotions will violently surface and might result in you hurting yourself or people close to you.
Running from your emotions not only affects you, it affects those around you as well. You might become distant to friends and family, you might not want to hang out around your friends and family. You might think you can't talk to people about your problems because they will think you're crazy. These are all real things that I experienced.
Part of the core of DBT is mindfulness, part of mindfulness is called "non judgmentally." That essentially means don't make evaluative judgements. You know your own thoughts and feelings, nobody can read minds and nobody can know what other people feel without the other person telling you. Don't assume people are mad or think you're crazy, unless they tell you that. Assumptions on someone else's feelings will almost always be wrong.
Reach out to friends or family, don't shut them out. Let the people who love you help you. They might have no idea how bad you're struggling. It is okay to admit it when you need help. There is no shame at all in that. You may think you are weak by needing someone else's help, at least that's how I felt, but you are not weak. Admitting you are not okay and that you need help is a sign of a very strong and emotionally mature person. Admittedly, society doesn't make this easy.
The Societal Impacts
There is such a stigma around mental health, honestly. Society paints us this picture of the ideal person, that person does not exist. Nobody is okay all the time. It is okay to be not okay. There is nothing wrong with you as a person just because you're not doing well. Society makes us think we have to keep going on and ignore all our problems. This societal pressure is especially hard for men.
The societal standard for emotional strength for men and women are not equal. We live in a very sexist society, here in the United States. Here, the societal standard for women welcomes their emotions and their struggles. Men do not get this luxury.
Men, according to society, are supposed to be emotionless familial protectors. Most men are very emotional. Society stifles men's emotion, because society believes men are to be strong no matter what. It is not fair.
On top of this, there is an extreme double standard when it comes to men vs women in abuse as well. Women are believed much more frequently, and without evidence, than men. Men are sexually and physically abused just like women are. Society doesn't want to listen to men when they are the victims though.
One of the patients while I was in the hospital was stabbed 13 times in his torso by his wife. The wife told the cops he did it to himself to frame her, the cops believed him and he was arrested and brought to the hospital. I don't know of anyone who is capable of stabbing themselves 13 times just to frame their wife. The story she gave seems so unbelievable, but to be fair I'm only hearing one side. The facts are though he was stabbed 13 times and he was arrested for it. I don't know how anyone could believe someone is capable of stabbing themselves 13 times.
On top of the gaps between genders, racial prejudice also plays a role in determining who is taken seriously. A black man would be less likely to be taken seriously if they're in crisis than a white man. Racism is alive and well in America, unfortunately.
Conclusion
If you can take one thing from this post, let it be this. Don't give up on yourself. If you need help, get it. Most countries have a dedicated help line you can call in crisis. This website is a good resource to find a local line: https://findahelpline.com/. If you're in the United States, 988 is the national 24/7 crisis hotline.
I also recommend creating a safety plan, even if not in crisis. There is a really good app by the U.S. Veteran's Association (VA). It's made for veterans but you're not required for be a veteran to use it. At the very least, create a list of people you can call, be it family or friends, if you are in crisis.
I wish you happy thoughts and good times. I'm in your corner and I believe you can accomplish anything! I have faith in you, no matter who you are reading this, please have a little faith in yourself!
Much love,
Rynn.